I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Randomize
