It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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