so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
