yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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