Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You smell like stripper and shame
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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