My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
