Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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