how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
