I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
