If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
