so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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