and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
