Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
