she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
