your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
