i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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