you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
