i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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