First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
