there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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