Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She told me I should be a condom model.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
