It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
