jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
