My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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