now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Sober January is a disaster.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
