I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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