Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
