My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
