party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
