I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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