Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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