Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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