On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
