Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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