I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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