He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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