you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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