you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
