Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
