You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
