I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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