i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
