video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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