hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He did a backflip because drugs
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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