I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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