Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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