Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
No stitches, just platelets and will power
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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