How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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