What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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