Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize