I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
