kristin has been a bad kristin
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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