let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
