Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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