i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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