i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
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i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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