I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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