I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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