I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
