does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
