I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
