In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
