Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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