A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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