Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
