The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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