Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
