I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
