she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
