I am in a vortex of obligation.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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