She announced her abortion via fbk
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
