Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
